The Divorce Coach

How can save money in divorce?

If your marriage or relationship has broken down

and you  need to get the most value from your lawyer, you should:

Leave the emotions outside the lawyers.

Ask - 'what do I want to achieve?' Make a list, then allocate the various issues to the people best able to deal with the different areas.

Ask 'what am I feeling?' and 'Who might best be able to help with this?'

Ask yourself: 'Do I need my lawyer for this?' and 'What's the alternative?' and 'What will the cost of engaging the lawyer in this instance be?' Think cost, tactics, relationships and emotional stress. Are they still the best person?

Ask what your partner's doing - if they too are using a Resolution lawyer then there may be a faster agreement.

This is an extract from our free eCourse 'Simple Steps to save serious money in divorce' available here to readers wishing to save money in divorce and relationship breakdown.

 
Kirsten Gronning

The Divorce Coach

Divorce is a life changing event. We help to make it positive too

Children in Mind

Parent information Groups from the Institute of Family Therapy and Conflict Resolution

At our last workshop in our pleasant new Wimbledon venue we were delighted to be joined by Lorraine Schaffer, Director of the Centre for Mediation and Conflict Resolution at the Institute of Family Therapy. Lorraine is a key player behind a new initiative of Parent information Groups called Children in Mind to offer courses to separating and divorcing parents in the UK to highlight the challenges and changes which breaking up can bring for both parents and children.

The 3 hour Children in Mind course is for any parent whether facing, going through or post-divorce who is worried about doing their best for their children and wishing to help the family move forwards. Learn:

*         To talk to your children about separation and divorce;
*         The effects of this life changing event on children and adults;
*         Practical ideas on developing a co-operative parenting relationship with your ex- partner;
*         How to deal with less than ideal situations.

The Children in Mind course costs £40 at the Institute of Family Therapy, London NW1 and there are two dates to enable parents to attend at different times:

*         Tuesday 29 April
*         Thursday 1 May

Click here to learn more.Lorraine will be joining us again at our Wimbledon workshop on 12 July. The next workshop is on 31 May in Hampton. Book soon for both as places are limited.

The Divorce Market

Avoid divorce if you can - divorce is never easy - Jane Craig of Manches, solicitors

With January being the prime time for people to do something about unhappy marriages and relationships, the papers are full of divorce related articles. A divorce expert I was speaking to before Christmas referred to this month as the 'divorce season' and I like that, it gives a touch of lightness to what must be a grim time for many.

There was an article in the Guardian on Saturday by lawyer Jane Craig of Manches  - one of the better articles I've read  - which gives some good tips from a lawyer who has been at the forefront of constructive divorce and conciliation.

I have to say, though, I've never heard anyone say 'Oh, divorce these days is so easy' but then my clients don't have the resources to pay £450 for legal bills either!

What have I achieved this year?

How to reinforce your strengths and move forwards

At this time of the year there are countless TV shows and magazine columns devoted to reviews of the year. But what about our own year's review?

Just before Christmas I was bemoaning to a coaching friend about all the things I haven’t done and needed to catch up on over the festive period. She was more interested in what I had done and encouraged me to take time out to list all my achievements and what I’ve learned. It was a great exercise and really reinforced my strengths.

So what have you done, what has and hasn’t happened …and more importantly what have you learned? It’s so easy to overlook all the rich learning held in what hasn’t happened and remember the disappointments, so take some time to think about, write down and celebrate everything you have achieved this year. Give yourself credit. It’s really important that you note what you’ve achieved…no matter how small you might think it is it will reinforce your strengths.

Now think about the stuff that you weren’t so happy about and what you did learning from these disappointments. The low points and the disappointments hold clues to what’s important to you, where to focus your attention and how to move ahead. Now ask yourself “how can I use my strengths, passions, talents, support and knowledge to help me move forward?”

New Year – new plans?

‘What do you need to do to make sure next year is better?’

To those readers who didn't have a great Christmas, I ask:>

‘What do you need to do to make sure next year is better?’

The way you answer could have a huge bearing on how next year shapes up.

If you would like some help in answering this question and finding ways to move forwards (especially if you have tried yourself, unsuccessfully to resolve it) then I may be able to help.

E-mail me in confidence with a couple of paragraphs outlining the problem, what you have done so far to resolve it and where you are stuck and I will reply promptly with some suggestions of ways you could help yourself move on.

Debenhams Separated and Successful Club

The Divorce Coach in the Daily Mail

I was delighted to spend a day with Bel Mooney, Trisha Goddard, Colleen Nolan in the Separated and Successful (SAS) club which celebrates women who have been through divorce, but have gone from strength-to-strength.

Bel Mooney summed up the idea behind the club beautifully when she wrote in the Daily Mail Femail magazine on 15th October:

‘Life should be a continuous process of re-invention; overhaul your style and you may well find that your soul runs joyfully to keep up. One of my missions in life is to encourage people to believe they can change. That’s why I became a model for a day for Debenhams, who asked me and other well known divorcees to show clothes from its new collection.

The message we wanted to get across was that women of a certain age can go through the pain and stress of divorce and come out the other side all the stronger – and even more determined to make something of themselves and their lives. It was a message all four of us were proud to endorse.

Click here to read the full article and to see the most glam picture ever of me (yes, I ditched the trousers for the day!) and my blog here about my one of my key messages which was fundamental to this campaign for me: that if you don't look after yourself, who else will, a message that applies as much to men as it does to women.

Divorce Help - Ways to Make It Cheaper

Help through Divorce with an eCourse

If you’re looking to move forwards in your separation or divorce – to clarify whether it is really over, or progress a split - and feel you want to know more about the process ahead of you by seeking clarity now, find help by downloading our eCourse to help you see where you are and what you can do.

The highly successful eCourse called 'How to Successfully Split'  is just £39 and is sent over two weeks in seven parts to your PC. It will help you see there really is a way forward, whatever that means for you and that it is possible to have a cheap divorce. Click here for more information and to order now.

How do I have a low cost divorce?

Can I even afford to divorce?

Many of the attendees at our workshop were unaware of the range of inexpensive (and in some cases free) services offered by MiD (Mediation in Divorce) based in Twickenham. MiD are affiliated to National Family Mediation a not for profit organisation which offers 'all-issues' mediation to people whose relationships are breaking up and their families. This is a cost-effective service for couples to make joint decisions about their separate futures, the children, finances, property and other important matters. You can read more about the very worthwhile (and not so well known) services they offer by clicking the links above. One of their services is a children's counselling service, which is free.

I will be writing more about our January and February workshops in the weeks to come.

I was heartened to learn from MiD that children are very much encouraged to be part of the mediation process so that their wishes, needs and wants are brought into the open. Whilst we all - the law and all parents I speak to - agree that the children's interests are paramount, in practice they are overlooked as their parents fight for their own survival. Part 6 of our eCourse 'How to Successfully Split' asks questions designed to raise awareness in the reader as to whether they are fully engaged with their children's anxieties over the family breaking up and how they might better address them. And there are more articles about children in divorce on our website here including including articles from Sue Atkins author of the book 'Raising Happy Children for Dummies' and Jeni Hooper, Child Psychologist and Parent Coach.