I ask why, but the fog is too thick to see clearly.
I become anxious and panicky and then I am numb, without feelings.
I need more insight, but I want to be insensitive and totally unaware.
I eat like a horse but I have no appetite.
I can’t sleep, but I escape with sleep.
I react to nothing and then I overreact to everything.
I sit at home daydreaming and yet I wish I was busy doing something.
I hate being lonely and alone yet being with others seems to point out my need.
I look for answers and stability and yet I am just too tired to do much thinking and feeling.
I know that you understand but I need to tell you about it just to make sure, for I will strive to create new directions for my life even though that takes time.
I give myself permission to change in the way I think best and not box myself in with the expectations of others, to learn to be my own person, and not forever to live in the past.
I will not discount my feelings, ask my friends to choose sides, use my children as spies and make commitments I cannot keep.
But I will grieve over a marriage that has died, allow my pain to motivate my growth, rediscover myself and what is unique about me.
I will attempt to make this divorce a creative rather than a destructive force in my life.
It will take time, because I live in a world of ambivalence.
Author unknown
