Surviving divorce is one of the most difficult things to do. As a divorce coach I believe it is absolutely crucial to people’s well–being that the more people seek help on the emotional front the better their outcome, as it is this support which will determine whether they move on after the event or they stay stuck in a ‘poor-me’ place - sometimes for the rest of their lives.
What is divorce survival? And whose responsibility is it? In a nutshell, divorce survival to me is being able to look back once the dust has settled and accept that things are now very different (better even in some ways) but confident in the knowledge that you and your family are able to create a new – if sometimes very different - life. And that the ‘mistakes’ you made have enabled you to grow: you have learnt from them and you won’t make them again!
Whose responsibility is it to survive? It’s your responsibility, 100%. Even if you are in a new relationship, to abdicate responsibility for your total survival is asking for it to all go wrong again further down the line. How do you take responsibility? Here are some tips:
* by finding or asking for help to work out your own solutions;
* by looking at what you need to survive and how your personal situation might achieve that;
* by asking for help in dealing with your fears, losses, guilt and anger;
* by actively learning how to communicate effectively;
* by learning to let go;
* by embracing change;
* by building confidence in your own abilities.
Less adversarial lawyers know they need to give divorcing people more of what they really need and recognising their legal training doesn't necessarily equip them to do this. There is a shift toward recognising that this emotional and practical support needs to come from family and financial mediators, coaches especially divorce and parent coaches, life and relationship coaches and counsellors.
I am excited and proud to be a founder member of the Family & Divorce Coaching Alliance - a team of accredited coaches which is making this possible with Woolley & Co, an unusual specialist family law firm who really do what they say on the tin (that’s according to my clients who have used their services.)
To our knowledge, Woolley & Co is the first legal practice to support and promote divorce coaching in the UK. Regular readers will know that in past newsletters I have commended Woolley & Co's family law firm for the huge amount of genuinely very useful legal information they share on the web and for the fact that they offer a 30 minute free consultation by phone. This is a great starting point for some of my clients – those people who are not yet ready to take the plunge but need some good legal advice or for people who are trying to find the right ‘fit’ of lawyer without spending a lot of time and money in doing so. You can read more here about the Family & Divorce Coaching Alliance on the Woolley & Co family lawyers website and how we offer a free consultation to Woolley and Co clients.
For readers of this article who are divorce professionals, Woolley & Co distribute a very useful and unusual monthly magazine to fellow professionals working with clients who are to some degree or other impacted by family and matrimonial law. The publication includes articles on legal issues connected with marriage and divorce, related news which might be of interest and more. Contact Woolley & Co for more information.
