The Divorce Coach

How do I split successfully?

Divorce Help in London

At our 'How to successfully split' divorce workshop last Saturday with a divorce lawyer and financial and children experts we all learnt how such a coming together of knowledge (from the experts) and thirst for knowledge (from the participants) can be so valuable.

This is what the participants said:

There is help -  am not on my own…I am less panicked – it is a process but will come to an end!
It is great to be offered and plugged into a smorgasbord of all legal and non-legal types of services and support. ...it is nice to have a word of mouth referral and meet and speak to service providers first before arranging meetings.'
Jules, separated.

‘The atmosphere was relaxed and supportive, it was good to meet the professionals and learn that there is support out there. Much better than trawling through the internet!
Meeting the experts over lunch and having a !:2:1 with the lawyer were invaluable.
I would highly recommend this course.’
Felicity, just starting the divorce process.

A good and interesting group of professional women who have had similar experiences and were prepared to share their expertise.’
Brenda, finished the divorce process.

All agreed the divorce workshop had really worked for them. The next workshop is on 29th March in Wimbledon. Book soon as places are limited.

Who Needs a McKenzie Friend? (Apart from Heather Mills)

Answer: Litigants in Person representing themselves in Court

People representing themselves in court as a litigant in person have the right to take a supporter into court with them. That person is called a "McKenzie Friend." Heather Mills reportedly has one in her trial last week.

Who can be a McKenzie Friend?

Anybody - e.g. a personal friend, a solicitor, a work colleague, and a relative - anybody the litigant in person feels will support them.

There is no need for them to be a lawyer. A lawyer can advise on the law, but the litigant in person needs to focus on the facts of the case - it is the facts they will be presenting and arguing.

Why should they need a McKenzie Friend?

As one of the parties in a case, they are, by definition, emotionally involved, and have more than a financial stake in the outcome. Emotions can prevent them thinking clearly, listening carefully and understanding what is being said.

Their McKenzie Friend can keep them focussed on the facts, help them present their case in the most effective way, and help them feel less alone.

What can a McKenzie Friend do for me?

• Keep you focussed on the facts which are strictly relevant to your case.
• Sit beside you in court.
• Take notes.
• Suggest questions for you to ask.
• Keep you focussed on your case and what you want to say.
• Be another pair of ears to listen for you.
• Help you stay less emotional and give factual responses.
• Help you to ask questions simply and clearly so they are understandable.

Kirsten Gronning

The Divorce Coach

McKenzie Friend Support

Who’d be a Litigant in Person?

And when might a McKenzie Friend make a difference?

Heather Mills representing herself at court this week has raised many questions about why you would do this (she says she can’t afford a legal team and is reported to owe the lawyers she sacked £1.5m +) and whether it is a foolish move.

Whether she had a choice or not in the matter, or not, it’s certainly opened the whole debate about litigants in person representing themselves in court and whether it’s good for them and the legal process generally. The Guardian on Monday in the article ‘The Art of Self-Defence’ Clare Dyer reported extensively into the pros and cons of litigants choosing to fight their own corner, stating that more and more people are being forced to represent themselves, particularly in family cases.

The article states: ‘Research shows that those who handle their own litigation make more mistakes than lawyers do – and more serous mistakes – and that the outcomes of their cases are generally worse than for those who are legally represented.’

As a litigant in person in my own divorce a few years ago, this was certainly my experience:

• That it is a very, very daunting experience, one of the most traumatic experiences in my life.
• It is essential to stay calm and focused.
• I recognized it was in my best interests to take legal advice about what to ask for in court, even if I didn’t have representation in court.
• I also sought legal advice about legal procedure when needed.
• That judges differ hugely in how much they help litigants in person.
• That court staff vary tremendously with the quality of the help and support they give (Central London Divorce courts) but most try hard if asked nicely!
• I had no idea a ‘McKenzie Friend’ might help.
• The Judge in his summing up commented that in his view he didn’t think either party was disadvantaged by representing themselves.

Would I recommend others do the same? – not at all, but, like me, some people will have no choice. If they can’t afford legal representation in court then they will have to, unless they settle out of court, though this will often be a fudge because they can't afford to 'fight' for more.

I’m delighted to be putting my experience to good use by helping others in similar circumstances – where they have to represent themselves in court and can’t afford legal representation. If you are interested in reading more about this support and about McKenzie friends, then click the link here.

It’s not everyday I'm invited onto the Richard and Judy show

Is Heather Mills barmy?

Not my words, but the phrase used by Richard on the Richard and Judy show on Tuesday where I had been invited to participate as someone who had represented myself in court divorce proceedings.

Sincere thanks to Jackie Walker the Divorce Coach in Scotland who was behind this. What did I learn?

• That the fact that I came across as seemingly confident (according to feedback, it was live and I didn’t see it) was entirely down to the warm welcome and encouragement I received from the R&J team and, especially, the well known family lawyer Vanessa Lloyd Platt, the other guest on with me really put me at my ease. What a media pro she is as well as promoting some thinking outside the box approaches to divorce.

• That having next to no warning (well 3 hours, but one of those hours I was with a client and ended up borrowing her jacket to attempt a ‘professional’ image) was a blessing – no time to dwell on it.

• That people really need help to prepare emotionally for court. Next week the whole litigant in person scenario may be brought very much into the media spotlight if Miss Mills really is representing herself. I hope that the reasons for being a litigant in person will be highlighted by the press e.g. typically running out of money for legal representation and having an ex who nevertheless insists on going through to final hearing. If this is your scenario then  there is really no choice but to be in court (unless of course you settle out of court, though this will often be a fudge because you can’t afford to ‘fight’ for more.)

There are many people in the position of being dragged through the courts by (ex) partners (and their lawyers) to reach agreement. Being unable to pay for representation, they have to represent themselves in court, including at the final financial hearing.

I am not saying this is necessarily the case with the McCartney Mills case, but I do know of two people in this position and more headed this way. They need all the support they can get and if media reporting next week were to highlight the difficulties of such people caught in this real catch 22 and also reinforces what an utter waste of family resources it is, I really welcome it.